Monday Night at the Frog & Bucket

Last night I went to the Frog and Bucket in Manchester, just to watch the acts and hang out with the comedians.

It was a good night and I met some interesting characters - Joseph Pearce, for example, whose hobby is to appear on crap tv shows and take the piss. He already appeared on The Worst of Britains Got Talent where his plan to spray Simon Cowell in the face with a fire extinguisher was sadly foiled. Coming up are appearances on Trisha, when he comes on in a spangly thong with 2 CDs superglued to his arse, and some daft talent show on the Wedding Channel where he does fire stunts with cardboard cut-outs of fire. Unfortunately his stand-up needs a bit of work, but he didn't seem to care. To him it's all just a distraction from his humdrum day job - cycling naked through hoops of fire on a BMX bike.

The star of the night though was Andrew Ryan - one of the best new comics I have seen. Andrew's on-stage persona is a wide-eyed and bewildered Irishman abroad. Off-stage he is quite intense and very serious about his comedy. He won the night and is through to the National Final.

I talked to a few people about the Gong show I am doing at the Comedy Store on Sunday. There were quite a few sharp intakes of breath. Apparently the compere whips the crowd up into a frenzy of hatred then throws the comedian on like a slave to the lions. Nice.

I'll keep practising my put-downs.

Heckled in my Sleep

Today I find myself fantasizing about abusive encounters with strangers. No, I'm not talking about night-time leather-clad backstreet shennanigans - I am talking about hecklers.

Last night I dreamed I was being savaged by hecklers. Now it's all I can think about.

It's this Comedy Store gig - it's really on my mind. I keep trying to anticipate what people might shout out and thinking about what put downs I can fire back at them.

I can't help thinking that this is not particularly conducive to a peaceful state of mind - thinking up the worst insults I can give to people I have never met.

But it's important to remember that this is just a game. When people heckle, they are signalling that they want to play. I just have to get better at the game than them.

Sadly, I probably won't get better at this "game" by sitting here thinking about it. The only way is to take a few beatings and to keep coming back.

Bring it on!

Preparing for the Comedy Store

Less than a week until my first King Gong at the Comedy Store and I am starting to feel a bit apprehensive.

I keep hearing and reading things like "King Gong at the Comedy Store is a real snake pit" and "what a pack of wolves" and "we are not c**ts like the Comedy Store". Scary.

But I keep reminding myself that the purpose of the gig is to get the experience of playing to a tough crowd, dealing with hecklers and, possibly, dying on my arse.

It's something I have to go through if I want to develop as a comedian - I might as well just get on with it.

Getting into Character

In these formative days of my development as a comedy legend, I am still trying to find my own style.

I started out doing character comedy as Wigan club-singer has-been, Tony Cannelloni. This was an easy way in as I could hide behind the costume, put on a strong accent and simply be someone else.

These days I don't wear a funny wig and fake chest hair, but I have still carried over a lot of the Tony C persona into my act. My on-stage personality is that of an incredulous middle-aged man who rants on about other people's foolishness. (Okay, so it's not much of a stretch, dramatically.)

The problem is, I wonder if audiences warm to me. They seemed to love Tony Cannelloni - even when he wasn't funny. But, these days, I get the sense that, although a large part of my audiences laugh, there are other portions of the audience who are tense - even hostile.

I must admit that a lot of my material to date has been fairly crude. And the ranting middle-aged man persona might come across as aggressive - even misogynistic.

So today I am standing in front of a full length mirror, microphone in hand, trying to do my act with a smile on my face, to inject a certain friendliness and softness into the act.

But bizarrely, as soon as I start to soften the style, I go all camp! What is going on? I'm turning into cross between Julian Clary and Peter Kay. Suddenly a whole new side of me emerges that I'm not entirely comfortable with.

Questions arise: Is this some hidden side of me trying to fight it's way out? Is the whole basis of my identity in question?

But most importantly of all - is it funny? Sadly not. Hmmm. Back to the drawing board.

Can't Wait to Get Back On Stage

It's been a couple of weeks since my last performance and I am itching to get up there and have another go. It's such a massive buzz.

So far I have done 2 "gong shows" in Manchester at the Frog and Bucket. The challenge is to survive 5 minutes on stage before the audience vote to remove you. The first time I did a creditable 3 minutes 50. The second time I was close - 4 minutes 50.

I am really excited about getting up there again and am busy contacting venues to try to cadge a spot. Russel Brand reckons you should do 200 gigs before you decide if you want to be a stand-up. So I've got a fair way to go.

Anyway, so far I have done ok and I know that there is a lot if improvement in me. So let's see.