The Great Gig Drought of 2008

Getting gigs isn't easy. There aren't that many opportunities and there's a lot of competition for bookings.

I'm a bit annoyed with myself at the moment as I was offered 3 gigs at the Frog & Bucket (my favourite venue so far) for November and December. I normally check my email about twice a day but for some reason I didn't check it at all on Monday. By the time I responded on Tuesday they had already given all 3 bookings to someone else. That's it now until next year for the Frog.

From now on I'll be more diligent. Anyway I am on the case and am hoping to get about 10 bookings for the first quarter of next year which is about as many as I can do.

In the meantime I guess the gig drought will give me a bit of time to reflect on what I have learned and to write some new material. And to have hours of fun bouncing about in front of a mirror with a mic telling myself jokes. 

Life is good.

Another gig, another lesson

This post is a bit of an epic, so settle down with a cup of tea.

Last night I did a gong show called Rawhide Raw in Liverpool at the Royal Court Theatre. That's not as grand as it may sound - the gig was actually in the downstairs bar to about 60 or 70 people.

As gong shows go it's a pretty good one for learning the trade. 

For a start, it's a small crowd and small crowds are much more difficult to warm up. They are more self-conscious about laughing out loud and you have to get most of them laughing before you get a critical mass. With a bigger crowd of say 250, you only need 20% of them to laugh and it lifts everyone else. So a smaller crowd is a much better measure of how good (or bad) you really are - there's nowhere to hide.

Also, the format at Rawhide is different. You get five minutes grace before the audience are allowed to gong you, which gives you time to try out material and to build rapport. This is invaluable stage time.

So how did I get on? Well the bell sounded to mark the end of my 5 minute grace period. And then the gong sounded one second later and I left the stage. I might be exaggerating - it may have been less than a second.

What went wrong? 

1. I didn't establish rapport with the audience.

2. My opening line fell flat on its face.

3. Some of my jokes were shit.

4. I think I scared the girls in the front row.

What went well?

1. I now have a few gags that have worked every time - that's a good start.

2. I also have a few that have consistently bombed and will never see the light of day again.

3. I got a very big (and prolonged) laugh for an ad-lib. I am good at them and I now realise I need to be a bit more spontaneous.

4. I wasn't nervous and I didn't feel humiliated when I didn't get a laugh - just a bit frustrated

5. I still want to be a comedian.

6. I did actually get a few good laughs.

What next?

1. I need to work at rapport - I think I'm a bit preachy on stage. I need to connect more and to relax a bit and smile once in a while.

2. I need a solid gold opening line - I had a really bad start last night.

3. I need to ditch about 50% of my material and sharpen up the other 50%

Better get on with it then.

Oops! There goes gravity!

I'm still a bit confused about what happened last night at the Comedy Store.

It would be wrong of me to say that I went down well - having been booed off the stage after 1 minute 28 seconds. But being booed is a lot better than being greeted by silence and walking off to the sound of your own footsteps. And I did get some laughs.

But the whole event was very different from what I expected. 

The first thing that threw me was the lack of intro music. I have always walked on to loud music which helps lift the crowd and kick-start the act. But instead the acts walked on to a thin smattering of applause. 

The second thing that sent me off balance was the unfamiliar character of the audience - so different from anything I have experienced before.

I anticipated hecklers - and I was kind of ready for it. But the hecklers didn't really materialise. Instead a kind of slightly prissy, moralistic air hung over the place, with murmurs of disapproval gradually swelling into boos.

It wasn't just me - it happened to quite a few of the acts. The minute the material got a bit close to the knuckle, they started moaning and groaning. I felt a bit out of place - like Bernard Manning in a Buddhist Temple. Material that got big laughs at the Frog & Bucket was baulked at. They reacted as if I had just pooed on the stage. (Which I nearly did.)

All the put-downs I had practiced went completely out of the window. Instead, I responded to boos from a particularly vociferous group by telling them to fuck off. Ironically this got my biggest laugh of the night.

At the end of my marathon 1 minute and 28 seconds, I at least amused myself by saying, "But this is me life! It's me dream!" a la X Factor. But, to be honest, it was a bit half-hearted.

My friends, Guy and Mary, came along to watch. Guy summed it up: "I think you misjudged your audience." I think he was right.

Having said all this I wouldn't like to give you the impression that I didn't enjoy myself. It was great fun and a real adrenalin rush. I feel determined to win those buggers over and I can't wait to go back next month for another go  - but maybe with different material.

Hoping for a better day

Yesterday stank.

I spent the morning being given a humiliating riding lesson by a stubborn horse who was determined to show me who was boss. The afternoon was marred by a last minute goal and a home defeat for my football team, Wigan Athletic. And in the evening we went to Old Trafford in the pouring rain to see my rugby team St Helens outwitted, outmuscled and...well...beaten in the Superleague Grand Final.

It's weird how a string of disappointments can knock your confidence - even when there is nothing you could have done to change the outcome.  I'm having to give myself a bit of a talking to today.

It wasn't helped by the riding instructor who told me that the horse would do what I told it because it could detect my "intravert behaviours" a mile off. I'm seriously hoping that the seasoned hecklers at the Comedy Store tonight are more easily fooled.

Frog & Bucket, 15 Sep 2008

Yesterday I got my hands on this picture of me at the Frog & Bucket on 15th September, when I was ten seconds short of Beating the Frog.

I think this is the "sexual confession" routine where I attempt to look shamefaced and slightly defensive. But if you look closely at my mouth you might notice that I can't resist a very slight smirk as I anticipate my own punchline. If only everybody enjoyed my jokes as much as I do.

I look quite bald as well. Must be the lights.

Rehearsing My Set for the Comedy Store

Spent my lunch break today prancing round the kitchen, mic in hand, delivering my set to the cooker and the fridge. The response was mixed: they didn't laugh, but then again they didn't heckle. (Although I thought I caught them exchanging wry glances once or twice.)

Basically I have a Plan A, a Plan B and a Plan C for Sunday at the Comedy Store...

Plan A: Do the same set I did at the Frog and Bucket but with a few tweaks and a few new gags. Topics on which I plan to hold forth: Life behind bars; Computers that can apologise; Breast englargement (and the dangers therein); Marital strife.

Plan B: If the crowd get too rowdy, my (somewhat ambitious) plan is to turn the hecklers against each other using some clever Derren Brown-like psychological trickery.

Plan C: Put it down to experience.

Whatever happens I can scarcely contain my excitement. I'm cockahoop.

Another Gig Booked In

I've had a bit of trouble getting more gigs. It's not easy.

Thankfully I just got one in Liverpool. I shall be gracing the stage at the Royal Court Theatre. Well, actually, I'll be playing in the downstairs bar, but you've got to start somewhere.

It's good because it comes only three days after the Comedy Store, so it will give me a chance to get back in the saddle after a mawling from the Mancs. Unless of course I then also get a mawling from the Scousers.

No no don't think like that! Think positive!

I am a comedy genius! Honest.