In response to Guy's idea that there be a central post against which anyone can add a comment with their comedy idea, here it is.
I started to completely over-engineer this, setting up a forum and all sorts. Then I thought, Bollocks, What am I playing at and just added this post instead.
All thoughts, musings, etc, gratefully stolen...er...I mean...received.
Thanks
Sam
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Stuff that happened. Thoughts that occurred.
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I'm a stand-up comedian and this is my blog. If you like it, please tell a friend.
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Copyright Sam Brady 2008
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18 comments:
The motorway signs thing - and Andy's comment: "The one that I think you should include is the one that says "End", when there's been no indication prior that there was a problem. End of what? Is this some kind of Revelations-style warning of Judgement Day, perhaps?" keeps going round my head: "Incident ahead" and "lane closed" and so on all lend themselves to the spiritualists guide to motorway signs...you could suggest while some people read tarot cards, you just read motorway signs. As information for driver they are useless, as spiritual guides to life's super-highway they have been invaluable... yes I know: the first sub-prime material posting has been posted!
Is it an acronym E.N.D? Who types in the messages? maybe some mystical guru sitting in an Internet cafe in Nepal.
The first sub-prime response has been posted
As a nation we seem to fixated with food and have superstar chefs - Jesus started it with his loves and 2 fishes recipe. The chefs are getting ever more extreme in their ratings wars - Jamie has fed Rotherham, will Gordon create famine recipes for Ethiopia? Besides, what are these guys like at home? Do they really saute haricote beans and marinate in sun dried tomato sauce or do they just open a can of beans like the rest of us?
News media soap: doom stories have become the equivalent of soap that now passes for 'news': from the 60's we have all being going to die because of (in rough chronological order)
- over population
- nuclear war/winter
- pollution
- cancer
- herpes
- aids
- millenium bug
- global warming
- credit crunch
Not sure if this is at all funny but you might want to think about launching your own "we're all doomed" scenario but relevant to the town you are playing in (e.g. Manchester doom scenario is relocation of Liverpool to Stratford due to coastal erosion)
I like this doom stuff. I think its all part of the politics of fear that has been in vogue probably since the Cold War. And it's topical right now because Obama is trying to reverse the trend and bring back the politics of hope.
It also ties in with "END" motorway sign.
I was interested in the UK Government's response to the recession - they are going to tighten up immigration procedures. As if this will fix things. Apparently Polish immigrants are already packing up and going home - we don't need to tighten up immigration - things are so shit that people don't want to come. And the news these days is so bleak that refugees would rather go home and be tortured than wait for flash floods to wash us all into the sea.And any sane person would certainly face death rather than watch another episode of Eastenders.
Another area similar to this that I was thinking about last night is the fashion for autobiographies of people whose only accomplishment in life is to have had a really shit childhood. "A Child Called It". "Daddy, Please Stop", "Mommy, Don't Hit Me With That Iron Bar Again It Gives Me A Headache". Why do people want to read this stuff?
Discuss.
Yes why do people read that stuff and slow down to look at motorway pile-ups and like watching torture porn films like Saw?
Is this subject too close to the knuckle/bone? Fans of Hostel hope so...
ha ha ha
I've put a permanent link to this post in the right hand margin of the main page for ease of access.
A few one liners I came up with in the shower this morning...
What wears a furry white coat and pants? A polar bear having a wank.
I heard couples stay together longer if they sleep in the spoons position. Now my wife thinks she lives in the countryside. Every morning she gets woken up by a cock.
My parents share a common dream. She wants to mingle with the stars. He wants to blast her into space.
It was their anniversary last week. He gave her a ring. To tell her he was going to the pub.
The problem with my dad is he'll never change. He's been wearing the same clothes for 18 months.
I thought your wife was called Dawn - then every morning she's woken up by a cock at the crack of Dawn...
Johnathon Ross and Russell Brand - now there's a subject gagging to have the piss taken out of:
1. worldwide, we have multiple wars, famine, human rights issues, global warming and economic meltdown. So big problem for nes editors: what is the lead story...how about a couple of twats who leave a naughty message on an answerphone...
2. ...about a 23 yr old who is a member of a group called Satanic Sluts and who has had sex with Brand...
Like we care! But actually, of course, we do and its so much nicer to worry about a couple of naughty boys than the world going to shit.
I tried (and thought I had succeeded) to post a comment about how to use the Ross&Brand double act as subject - what happened to this work of art that took me literally minutes to write?
I have started to moderate comments to stop spammers advertising pornography on my blog. So there might be a delay in publishing your comments sometimes.
I like solitude. I set up a Facebook group called "Leave me the fuck alone."
Facebook gag - brilliant! Real LOL!
Warning: the following material is a bit sick. I'm trying to find the line - have I crossed it yet?
There was a story in the news yesterday about a man in Tanzania who tried to sell his Albino wife. He advertised her in the local paper under "White Goods".
Actually, this is a horrible story - apparently Albinos are being murdered because witch doctors claim their body parts can be used in a magic potion that makes people rich (i.e. witch doctors presumably). This guy tried to sell his Albino wife to two businessmen for $3000 - which is a lot considering they were only buying her for parts. The Tanzanian Albino Association said that they reckon there are 174,000 Albinos in Tanzania although, strangely, only 4000 have registered. Hmmm...if I was an Albino in Tanzania, the last thing I would do is put my name and address on an official list of Albinos. So far Tanzanian police have arrested 170 witch doctors - which is typical of the prejudice against traditional medicines and alternative therapies and is probably a conspiracy by the pharmaceutical companies.
My brother Roy was a city banker with Lehman Brothers. Now they have gone under, he works in the high flying world of media. He sells the Big Issue.
The beautiful irony is, that when we were kids, he used to take the piss out of me because I had a paper round. At least I had a bike.
Sam - go green - recycle other people's jokes.
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